Balancing parenting and any sort of creative practice can often feel impossible. It can be hard to find the consistency we crave in order to foster our creative selves.
In my 5+ years of parenting I have tried a million different tactics to hold onto the spark of my creative practice. Some ideas were life giving but had to be let go of when inevitably a child got sick, stopped sleeping, started teething, etc. Others simply added to my overwhelm and feelings of guilt and stress.
Eventually through the ups and downs of pregnancies, newborns, balancing work and staying home, childcare and no childcare, sleep and no sleep, a pandemic, and all the things -
I have kept coming back to these 5 concepts to keep my creative practice alive.
Focus on the Process Rather than the Finished Product
I think it’s important to be realistic and acknowledge in this stage of life it will be very hard to see any creative project to completion in the way we would like to. This often leads to feelings of shame and inadequacy or just throwing up our hands altogether (“I guess I’ll just make that thing when they are 18!”).
So much of being a creative is wrapped up in our visions or dreams we are wanting to bring forth. But when balancing life with young children, we need to flip the script.
Right now our job is to show up to our creative practice in whatever way we can. The creative act is more important than anything we actually create!
Maybe a project or piece is completed - Hurray, that’s amazing! But I’d say it’s even more impressive and beneficial to connect with your work in whatever ways you can, even if you don’t have anything to show the world for the next couple of years.
Learn from your children and enjoy the feeling of making simply for the sake of making.
2. Stop Thinking in Absolutes
I’m going to take a picture EVERY day for a year! I will write 3 pages in my journal EVERY morning! (ahem - looking at you Julia Cameron!) I will wake up at 5am and paint for 2 hours EVERY day!
I know not everyone will agree with me. Before kids, setting lofty goals like these often gave me the spark and motivation I needed. But when kids enter the picture I think its a recipe for disaster.
WE HAVE TO BE FLEXIBLE, with ourselves and our children.
The goal here is to prevent burning out. When we think in absolutes about our creative practice we are more likely to give up when life with kids gets in our way (which it will). Thinking in these absolutes and setting such lofty goals results in more shame and rage for not being able to follow through, rather than fanning the flame of our creativity.
3. Think Small but Consistent
Find something ANYTHING that fans your creativity. Reading, writing, meeting with other artists, making something with your hands, taking pictures, drawing, painting, recording.
This can be your thing - your way of making art. But it doesn’t have to, it can just be something random you feel pulled to pick up. This can be what you did for fun and inspiration prior to having kids, but it doesn’t have to be. When you think - “Oh I wish I had more time to do that!” what do you think of? Now TRY to engage with it everyday.
I know, I know I was just saying how you won’t be able to do your thing every day. You won’t. But find someway to touch it, put your finger on it, even if all you can muster is a few seconds. Carry that book around and read a few sentences in between doing all the things. Write a sentence. Take a picture with your phone instead of your fancy camera. Draw a picture on the back of the napkin.
Put it on your to do list and count any interaction with it as a HUGE VICTORY.
And some days you won’t even be able to find the few split seconds to touch it. Other days you may be surprised - a whole chapter read! a drawing made! a photo I’m actually proud of! Keep circling back. Small consistent steps really do add up over time and will add joy to your daily life.
4. Let Your Children See You and Participate
Yes, this means your sacred art supplies may get ruined. Yes, you won’t get anything done. But research shows us that our children learn more from us by watching what we do rather than what we say.
Let them see you pursuing and engaging with your creativity.
Let them see the ways in which you prioritize and protect your practice.
Let them be curious about what you are doing and how you do it.
You may have to take deep breaths and feel the frustration well up of not being able to focus solely on your work. But the benefits of our children seeing this part of us far outweigh the inconvenience.
5. Find Ways Your Creative Interests Overlap With Your Child’s
Observe your child and be inspired by them.
What are they constantly asking to do?
What lights them up?
What creative practices are they drawn towards?
Then think of all the things you are longing to do but don’t have time/energy for. Find ONE TINY WAY you and your child’s interest overlap. I promise there is some way they can connect. Now lower your expectations. And lower them again. Then find joy in the surprise and magic of creating something, ANYTHING, alongside your child.
SHOW UP.
KEEP YOUR CREATIVITY ALIVE.
LET IT ENRICH YOUR PARENTING JOURNEY.
Do you have any tips you would add? How have you fostered your creativity while being in the depths of parenting?
Want to talk more about this? I’m offering $50 1 on 1 consults with parents who want help reviving or starting their own creative practice. Want me to document you and your child creating something together? Let’s schedule a storytelling session!